I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
