dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
