Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
