Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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