I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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