I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
