this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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