I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
