did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
