Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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