Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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