i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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