"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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