3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize