she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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