week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
