Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
