I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
