Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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