1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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