I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
