I will die if light touches me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
