No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
