all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
