you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
