They should really pass out barf bags in church
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
