Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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