You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
