He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If I die, sorry about rent.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
