I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
