How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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