I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
