apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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