R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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