I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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