I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
there is puke in my bra ... again
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