i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
don't judge my taste in strippers
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
