u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
