Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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