you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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