is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
