Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
