She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
