I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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