The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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