I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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