"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
