Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
only if we run a train.
done.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
