DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
