My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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