if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the day after is always just damage control
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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