paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How does it feel to date your dad?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
