I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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