at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you inspire me to be a worse person
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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