with your own penis?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
