don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize