are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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