You're my little dorito
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
