Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
