she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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