I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
