Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize