What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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