I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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